Use-Bombs

Ah! The Resolutions.

Arion Londraville - Friday, 4th January 2008

It’s the beginning of a fresh year, so suck in that fresh 2008 oxygen. Suck it in hard, suck it in fast, because you won’t have long before this set of 366 days turns the tables on you. Like every other year, it’s going to drag the life force from your body, little by little until you rot and wilt. That’s why I enjoy distracting myself with New Year’s Resolutions!

Less wilting—more resolutioning

Arion’s New Year’s Resolutions for 2008

1. Get a real toothbrush:
   End this fruitless Brillo pad charade.
2. Continue not to fly on airplanes for fear that I’m on the No Fly List:
   I need to travel, and since high speed panda isn’t an option, I want to go by air. Blimps or hot air balloons are still available to me, as far as I know.
3. Paint the piece that Josh Hagen wants:
   The one made up of a bunch of small paintings predominately featuring boobs and a turtle. I need to get my hand back up and get myself back into art. Also, back into turtles.
4. 4) Learn to play the ocarina that I purchased:
   The novelty of the thing has faded as well as my attention to it. I will never be able to woo a sufficient number of women without some sort of ocarina related skill.
5. Buy a fancier ocarina to renew the novelty of it all.
6. Continue to look at the homes on the market:
   Pray that the federal government doesn’t offer too good of a bail-out package. After all, I like my homes the same way I like my Ramen Noodles: cheap, minimal amounts of lead, and served with delicious bacon. I know, some will worry for my health, but I love my bacon… all meaty and fatty and served with eggs. El Drool!
7. Even if I don’t get to ride it, I will at least see a breathing unicorn:
   I will also ride the unicorn. We’ll ride over the rainbow forests to Cupcakesville—a land of both cups and cakes—to visit Dr. David the Gnome. What’s that David? Tea time! Why yes, I would love a cup of Blackberry and Spice!

   HA!

   That ‘corn will never see me coming!

8. 7) Quit more things:
   My life is way busy! I need to knock a few projects off or my platter. And by that, I don’t mean “finish them,” I mean “quit them.” It’s a well known fact that quitting is not only the quickest way out of something, but also the most rewarding way. You really get to stick it to “The Man” and show them who’s the boss. I’m gonna quit all kinds of cool stuff this year! Painting… unicorn hunting… writin