Use-Bombs

For those who don’t know

Dave Bova - Wednesday, 26th April 2006

The Oreo has been America’s most successful cookie since 1912. Though, its history in our nation cannot be challenged, the proper method of Oreo consumption is often a heavily debated issue. Today, I’m going to inform you how to correctly eat an Oreo cookie.

Equal parts milk and air, please.

1. Select an Oreo The simple selection of your Oreo may be the most daunting step in the entire Oreo consumption process. The sheer variety incorporated into the Oreo family is mesmerizing to say the least. For starters, you have your standard Oreo cookie. It’s not flashy, but it will definitely get the job done. Should you be looking for something with some more substance, you can check into Double Stuf Oreo, which comes in several variations, but essentially has a doubled portion of the classic Oreo filling. Other Oreo variations include: Chocolate Cream Oreo, Holiday Cream Oreo, Fudge Oreo, White Fudge Oreo, Mystic Mint Oreo, Uh-Oh! Oreo, Double Delight Oreo, Golden Oreo, Mini Oreo, Oreo pudding and a plethora of others. Choose wisely, this isn’t as simple as A or B.
2. Prepare your milk Get a nice tall glass of your favorite moo juice handy. You’ll probably want to check the expiration date first. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
3. Assume the position and twist away - Grab your Oreo with three fingers and the thumb of your dominant hand. Apply the same fingers of your opposite hand to the other side of the Oreo. In one fluid motion, spin your dominant hand counterclockwise while simultaneously snapping your opposite hand clockwise. To the delight of any onlookers, the Oreo will separate, revealing the sweet nectar of its creamy interior.
4. Get the creamy goodness inside you! Next, you will bring each side of the Oreo cookie to your mouth, cream first. (Not all at once!) With your tongue, and perhaps a drag of the teeth for good measure, make sure the cream from the interior of the Oreo becomes the ex-cream from the interior of the Oreo.


Wallow in Oreo delight.

5. Damage control Now it’s time to perform some quick surgery on your cream-ridden Oreo. Imagine you’re a crack surgeon on an emergency room drama and your patient is chocolate and flat-lining. Press both sides of the Oreo cookie back together as if nothing you did in step four ever happened.
6. The Slam Dunk Now the process begins to approach its climax. Take your digitally restored Oreo, and with the firmest of the firm grips, dip your Oreo cookie into your prepared glass of milk. It is as if the Oreo was lost in a desert and just stumbled into a milky oasis.
7. Consume and repeat Bring the milky Oreo to your lips and consume it. You’ve just succeeded in your task. That’s all there is to it! Aren’t you glad you probably had to purchase more than one?

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