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Laser Time

Arion Londraville - Monday, 20th February 2006

Do you…

Care more than others think is wise.
Risk more than others think is safe.
Dream more than others think is possible.
Focus more than others think is reasonable.

Well then, it looks like you and I are on a one-way trip to the most intense, most action packed, most riskiest…ested place on Earth. I’ll see you at motha fuckin’ Lasertron!

What Does Laser Tag Have to Offer Me?

I think the question is more along the lines of “What does laser tag not have to offer me?” Much like achieving ones inner chi, laser tag helps one realize harmony between mind and spirit, inner wisdom, unseen healing powers, and ease of bowel congestion. Laser tag is also the Eighth Wonder of the World!

If you’ve ever wrestled with an Alaskan Brown Bear, I commend you. If you have not, you should know the following. It’s scientifically proven that laser tag is just as adrenaline pumping and even more dangerous than said wrestling match. Bears are large and somewhat harmful; laser tag is ginormous, fun, and life changing!

Why risk your life when you could stay home and simply watch laser tag on ESPN6? The answer to that is easy. If you don’t play, you can’t win. You could win, you could win, you could win–hear me? You could win big.

Lasertron plays host to the World Championships. Can you steal the $400 grand prize away from Zack Barry, the 2005 Solo Champion? Can you go toe to toe with the power of Team OverPower? You can’t win–not if you don’t play.

The Rules of the Game

Your laser tag vest has 4 sensors. The laser gun is outfitted with an additional two sensors. There are buttons on both the left and right side of the laser. Holding both of these buttons down enables rapid fire mode.

Now, suit up and meet me in the rectangular circle. That is, unless you:

• Have Asthma
• Heart Problems
• Back Problems
• Seizures
• A History Of Joint Dislocation
• May Be Pregnant
• Have Another Pre-Existing Condition.

Soon it will be just you and I! Fight or flee! Hunt or be hunted! Just remember the following:

• Walk At All Times
• Do Not Climb
• Do Not Lie Down
• Remain Five Feet From Other Players At All Times
• Do Not Chew Gum
• No Vulgar Language
• Obey Your Referee

ADRENALINE!

Things to Remember

Are you psyched yet? I am!

Don’t stare directly into Lasertron’s eye! Looking into the Eye of the Lasertron allows it to see into your soul. It will find your greatest physical and mental weaknesses. The Lasertron will then proceed to steal your wallet.

Laser tag is America. Who’s that letting terrorists and communists through the border? Not laser tag. Laser tag is grass roots and speaks above bipartisan rhetoric. Laser tag served 3 consecutive tours in the Vietnam War and 9 in the War on Terror. Incredible!

Laser tag has brains. Smarts beyond what you or I could muster. Laser Tag has two degrees from MIT and a PhD from Harvard. In each instance Laser Tag graduated, it did so at the top of its class. Laser Tag cured the common cold!

Laser tag hates tacos. Although you may find the soft starchy shell of a Ranchero Chicken mouth-wateringly irresistible, Lasertron most certainly does not. Tacos are not American and, as we all now know, laser tag is America!

The Lasertron was once like you. Historians believe that Lasertron was once a carpenter. We sometimes forget that laser tag has such meek roots. When you’re done with your laser tag session and it comes time to select the Holy Grail, look past superficiality. Look for the cup of a carpenter.

What’s the Game Plan?

We are going to get Brett to drive us 166 miles to the LASERTRON Interactive Entertainment Center just outside Buffalo, New York! LASER TIME! Laser! Lasertron Laser Laser! Risk! Dream Laser! Brokeback Mountain! Laser… laser.

Laser Time

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